Minimizing the issue implies to your loved one that they can continue to treat you similarly with no consequences. Even if you personally disagree with a loved one’s behavior, you might ignore it for any number of reasons. Although life circumstances can indeed cause undue stress, some things—like excessive alcohol or drug use—can’t be explained away by stress. Addiction is addiction, regardless of external circumstance. In a codependent relationship, you can enable a loved one by explaining away all of their choices and behaviors. When you’re unable or refuse to maintain boundaries, it says to your loved one, “There are no consequences to your behavior, and addiction is welcome here.”
Common Misconceptions about Enabling
If you are seeking drug and alcohol related addiction rehab for yourself or a loved one, the SoberNation.com hotline is a confidential and convenient solution. Enablers also tend to carry false guilt, suffer from anxiety, and avoid conflict. Someone with an addiction needs to take accountability for their actions and take steps to improve their lives.
Signs or characteristics of an enabler
But these behaviors often encourage the other person to continue the same behavioral patterns and not seek professional help. It can be difficult to say no when someone we care about asks for our help, even if that “help” could cause more harm than good. You might feel torn seeing your loved one face a difficult moment. For example, enabling behavior may include providing the school with an excuse so someone can skip class, even if they did because they spent the night drinking. As with other behaviors, you can manage and change enabling tendencies. In many cases, enabling begins as an effort to support a loved one who may be having a hard time.
- Recognizing enabling behaviors in yourself or others is a vital step in fostering healthier relationships and supporting true recovery.
- When you show support, you have establish healthy boundaries and be honest ― ideally without being judgmental.
- In a way, learning to stop enabling another person’s drug or alcohol misuse can be very empowering for you.
- As a loved one of a person struggling with addiction, it is important to identify enabling behavior you might be showing.
Risk Associated with Enabling Addicts
Making an excuse for them is enabling because it lets your loved one “off the hook.” Now, they won’t have to face the consequences of their alcohol use. Remember that you can’t change other people but you can change your behaviors and reactions toward them. Since deciding not to help someone in need can feel antithetical to loving them, it might be helpful to offer alternative expressions of care. For example, if your friend is having budgeting problems, you can say to them, “I love you, but I’m not going to go shopping with you. We can have coffee or take a walk outside,” Dr. Daramus suggests.
Enabling can be a way to cope with or avoid emotional pain. She offered some questions that can be helpful to ask yourself if you think your support might’ve crossed over into enabling territory. One is if there’s part of you that’s starting to resent your loved one because you’re constantly putting their needs above your own. There’s a fine line between supporting and enabling, but understanding the difference can ensure you truly help those you care about. If you think that anxiety and worry fuel your enabling, getting help to manage your anxiety may be necessary in order to change your behavior.
Therapeutic techniques and professional guidance can help navigate this delicate balance, ensuring that you’re neither enabling addiction nor pushing your loved one away with an overly harsh approach. By examining the nuanced aspects prozac withdrawal timeline of enabling, you’re taking a significant step towards fostering healthier relationships and supporting meaningful recovery for your loved one. Making hard choices involves avoiding enabling while still being supportive of your loved one.
Societal structures and cultural norms can also play a role in sustaining addiction. Recognizing these broader implications is vital for creating an environment that supports recovery rather than unknowingly perpetuating harmful patterns. It’s not easy for someone with substance abuse problems to avoid drugs or alcohol. Keeping alcohol or other drugs accessible can make it difficult for someone with an addiction. It is less likely for an addict to seek professional drug abuse treatment when an enabler is there to provide means to make their drug or alcohol abuse easier.
For instance, this can be organizing drug or alcohol intervention. In addition, motivational interviewing can help an addict understand their inner motivation and make the first step into recovery. An enabler is usually a friend or loved one of an addict who passively allows or permits addictive behavior in them. It can be by lending money or ignoring problematic behavior from the addict. Some of these “helping” behaviors might be okay if they happened only once and came with other, more concrete forms of support.
If your loved one still doesn’t respect your boundaries, Dr. Daramus recommends making clear to them what the outcome will be if they don’t choose a different behavior. “Natural consequences are where you’re not punishing them, you’re just letting consequences happen as they naturally might,” she says. When you show support, you have establish healthy boundaries and be honest ― ideally without being judgmental. It’s about promoting the other person’s growth and development by allowing them to learn from their own mistakes and failures. Enabling prolongs the problem by allowing your loved one to avoid negative consequences that would motivate change.
